isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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