he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
