she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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