I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
