glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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