I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize