She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
