It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
