I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You can't motorboat a personality
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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