my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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