you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
