why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
