I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
