so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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