All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
