so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
