We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize