it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
