"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
