i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
