So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
