I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize