I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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