i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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