you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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