whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
