But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
