I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
