found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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