You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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