onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
