I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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