I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize