Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
ugly people sure do ruin things
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So much rum. So many feels.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize