Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
