i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The ass gains better be worth it
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