I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize