Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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