no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
