I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
