I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
