last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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