Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
