You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
