You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you still have your period?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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