At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
