Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
