I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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