How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
