By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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