so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
