A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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