Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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