you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
