I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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