wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I supernannyed him into submission
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
