Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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