At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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