Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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