You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
