totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
