Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
