she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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