So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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