Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
