it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
