"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
