My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Damn victory sex feels great
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
