Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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