He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
