I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
