Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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