we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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