i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
