OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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