Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
