what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
