hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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