Me. At least after what I've been through.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
