just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Michael Bay diarrhea
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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