can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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