I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
