Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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