yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
