he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
