he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
