i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
