Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
