All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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