I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize