You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
