You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
