I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
there was a trapeze. enough said
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
