we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
