his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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