I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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