those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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