Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
