____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
