All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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