There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
