all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
