You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
