five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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