Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
